


Need To Know

by Dumpling



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5685439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumpling/pseuds/Dumpling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marinette and Adrien struggle with the need to know each other's identity as Ladybug and Chat Noir, while dealing with other miscalculated feelings that start to pop up in their lives.<br/>Edit: on hiatus for until end of February/early March.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A short series I made because new ML episodes, so why not? It doesn't really have a specific ship, but it starts with LadyNoir (and the writing gets better I promise).

Chat Noir’s hand was hot even over Ladybug’s superhero outfit. She could feel it, like pulses of electricity, shoot through her veins. It stopped her dead in her tracks. Cemented her down like a statue. Her eyes burned into Chat’s own heated look. The waves of his yellow-green shaded eyes penetrated deep into her conscious.

Could he actually see into her thoughts?

She felt so vulnerable in those seconds lost in thought that a panic erupted inside of her. Her heart beat loudly against her chest. Ladybug let out one laugh as her eyes scanned through Chat’s facial details. The laugh got louder–hysterical–until she was hiccuping instead of laughing. It caught Chat off guard enough for his grip to loosen. Ladybug snatched her hand back, smiling at him as she tried her best to act natural.

Thoughts like those were dangerous, she reminded herself with a quick nod. She tightened her smile.

“Listen, Chat Noir, I…”

What was she going to say? Honestly, she had no clue. She was a complete disaster when emotions were considered. On the other hand, Chat was hot and raw. He was completely open to her, and the need she saw in his eyes as he waited for her answer was clawing at her.

There was no way this would work. He must have known that. It wasn’t too long ago that he himself was running off from her. When did it start–him wanting to be closer to her, to know her on a personal level that surpassed just “partners.”

He wanted _intimate_.

The word sent shivers down her spine.

“I’m not saying this against you.” Ladybug ran some of her fingers through one of her pigtails, finding a vantage point behind Chat to watch. “I just don’t think that kind of… intimate relationship is something we need. We’ve worked fine together without it to this point. Besides, wouldn’t it be kind of embarrassing if we knew each other in real life?”

 _What a load of shit_ , Ladybug thought to herself. _Fully loaded_.

“I’m sure you know me, though…”

Ladybug perked up. “What did you say?”

Chat looked her square in the eyes again. She could feel her breathing go out of whack. It wasn’t good. Whatever he was doing to her. Her instincts were screaming danger, but his eyes had her caught. They swirled with life–loneliness. There was something else in there, something quickly rising to the surface she knew she didn’t want to see.

“You don’t get it,” Chat said.

His voice was deeper in the frosty air. White puffs were coming out of his mouth, mingling with the puffs of her own. They circled together in dance as they intertwined.

It wasn’t even only the puffs of air that were drawing closer–it was Chat Noir too. He stepped in front of her, grabbing her hand in his his own. Tightly he held on, like he was scared she was going to disappear in front of him.

If only he really could read her thoughts, he might have held on tighter.

“Do you even know what intimate means?” he asked. “Do you know what you mean to me? I know that cat’s like to play games, but I could never deceive to you. My whole heart, my whole world… it all belongs to you. All you have to do is reach out and take it. Or even just notice.”

Ladybug wasn’t an idiot. She knew what Chat was saying, or implying since he really hadn’t said anything. But instead of the panic that was washing over her, or the heat that was enthralling her, for a brief moment she saw a glimpse of herself in Chat’s eyes.

She saw herself chasing after the image of Adrien’s back. The further and faster she ran, the more distant Adrien became. No matter how many walls she jumped, no matter how sore her mouth was from screaming, she couldn’t reach him there in that vision.

Looking at Chat like that she looked at herself made her whole body shake.Chat bit his lip, eyes creasing as he looked at her. The wind slightly swayed his hair from left to right. Ladybug could see the conflict in his eyes. Even on her end, all the petty words she spouted out about disappointment were only half-hearted. She knew he would accept her because they a bond that wasn’t easily broken.

But there were so many rules clogging them up. They both knew rule number one, a rule they abided by at any other time, it seemed, except in front of each other; though neither was an exception. 

The lines between right and wrong were starting to fade.

A whirlwind was sweeping them up.

Her heart clenched as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Ladybug pulled him closer to her, and could feel how stiff his body became against hers, but she needed to feel that he was close to her. She just had no idea why.

 

There was hesitation in Chat as he gripped his hands together. He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks through his mask, the beating heart of Ladybug right next to his own, the tips of her fingers that tickled his neck.

Everything.

It drove him crazy.

He took deep breaths–in and out–to try to calm himself down. But his heart wasn’t stopping, and neither were his arms as they wrapped themselves around Ladybug. Chat pulled her closer to him when he felt her move against him more.

What was there to lose now? All that was left was to let the moment capture him. Chat closed his eyes, as he let the thought soak his mind. He wiggled his nose next to Ladybug’s neck and hold onto her for dear life.

How much he didn’t want to let her go flying off into the night again to leave him alone. He wanted her next to him to sooth the pain of a cold bed, to fill the cracks in his heart that seemed to scream for nothing but her. Would she even want to stay near him if he told her all that, though? There was really no answer he had to that question.

Chat breathed hard against Ladybug. He could feel her shiver against him, and this time he was sure it wasn’t the night air. Biting his lip, Chat tightened his grip against Ladybug. She moved back in that second, but just as Chat was ready to plead again for her to say (whatever it took), Ladybug shifted into his line of sight.

She stared into his eyes. They were filled with innocence he could see from miles away. The thought alone burned him.

He couldn’t take it anymore. It was more than just wanting to see the mystery behind the mask, to put a name to her melodic voice. So much more that he knew he had to do something. Or he’d go more crazy than he already.

Chances were the cards he had left.

So, he took a chance, and he kissed her.

 

It was beyond any wild imagination he’d had. Just to know how soft her lips were against his was completely worth the risk. Chat moved one his hands up along her side and lifted them to cup her face. He smiled as he ran his fingers along the small bumps of achene he could feel along her skin.

When he pulled back, he smiled at her, tapping her cheek. “You’re human after all, My Lady. And here I was thinking you were too perfect to be real.”

Ladybug went still in his hands. Chat watched her with interest as she opened and closed her mouth, hoping with all he had the words going through his mind weren’t about to come out of her perfectly plush lips. She looked between his eyes and his lips, and while Chat was sure that she was trying to process what was going on, all he really could do was think about how stunning she looked like as a mess.

“You’re beautiful, My Lady.”

Both Chat and Ladybug blinked. Chat stepped back, placing a hand over his mouth. He stared at Ladybug who stared back at him until she snapped her head to the ground. She took a breath and turned around.

“M–Ladybug, wait!” Chat called.

He held out his hand to reach her, but made no movement to go near her. To him, her back was broad. It was straight and tall, wide as the ocean. The back that he looked at so often, he could describe every detail with his eyes closed.

“Chat.” Ladybug’s voice echoed through the silence. “You said you said you wanted to know who I was, well…”

Turning around on her heels, Ladybug held her palms out by her side. She stared at Chat as he heard a beep. He snapped his eyes to her Miraculous, shocked to see that it was on the last tick. When had it gotten so low? He looked at his. Two ticks left. The sudden breath from Ladybug caught Chat’s attention as he drew his gaze back to her.

“Take a good look.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug deals with her issue with Chair Noir and Marinette and Adrien get their positions flipped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fixed the quality issue! I had to cut this chapter in half because it was getting too long for what I had planned, so look forward to that next chapter.

Spotlights from above shone down on the rooftop that Chat Noir and Ladybug were at. Chat looked up, one hand held over his eyes as he tried to find the source. It was seconds later that he spotted a blimp with his and Ladybug’s face on it, lit up and decorated like a Christmas tree. The site made the inner critic in him cringe—the colors that they threw on there were absolutely appalling (or in Chat terms, a- _paw_ -ling); the thought, however, had a small half smile curling on one side of his lips.

By the time that Chat looked back, his mouth already open to say something to Ladybug, she was gone. He blinked, staring at the empty space in front of him. The wind howled against his sensitive ears. A shiver ran down his spine as he closed his eyes and braced himself for the detransformation.

Adrien scratched the back of his neck and sighed. Plagg flew around his head a couple of times as his eyes were stuck on the sparkling stars. When he looked down and saw the lights of Paris that glimmered almost as bright as the stars, Adrien wondered to himself which was the reflection—the stars or the city lights?

“Ladybug ditch you?” Plagg asked. He hovered in front of Adrien, his head cocked to one side as he examined the boy. “Kehe. How lame. This is why I stick to cheese.”

Swatting at his Kwami, Adrien sighed. “It’s not like I blame her. I keep spewing all this nonsense about love, but I don’t know if I could just up and show her my identity like that. We were given three rules: Stop Hawkmoth, keep Paris safe, and don’t let anyone figure out our secret identity. I thought it wouldn’t be this hard…”

“Adrien…” Plagg said. “You know you don’t exactly _have_ to listen to the last rule. If she happens to find out by accident, there’s nothing you can do about it. A poorly timed detransformation would be all it was.”

“Thanks for the offer, Plagg, but the last time I listened to you, I almost let all my friends get thrown into the atmosphere by The Bubbler.” He gave a guilty smile to Plagg, knowing full well that the fault for that laid solely with himself. “I think I’ll figure this one out myself.”

Plagg shook his head. Adrien turned and started to figure out how to maneuver to get off the roof without catching anyone’s attention. The kwami still hovered in the air, watching Adrien blankly as he muttered to himself.

“You love sick fools,” he mumbled. “I’ll never understand you—either you or _her_.”

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Marinette sighed as she jumped down into her room from her balcony rooftop. Tikki came floating in right next to her, snuggling up next to Marinette when she heard the sigh. She received a quick rub on her forehead from one of Marinette’s fingers.

“What’s wrong, Marinette?” Tikki asked.

For a moment Marinette hesitated. Her eyes twinkled when lights from the window would hit them in the shadows of her room. The silence left an eerie veil hanging over both Marinette and Tikki as the kwami waited for an answer. But as the seconds drew on, the chances of Marinette answering the question became slimmer.

“It’s about Chat isn’t it?” Tikki said. “You feel bad about leave him like that.”

The sudden acquisition caught Marinette off guard. She shot her head up to Tikki, staring at her with wide-eyed wonder.

“How’d you know?” Marinette said breathlessly, but before the kwami could reply, she laughed and shook her head. “Dumb question, I know. I just…”

She bit her lip, lifting up her head as she searched for the words hidden deep in her heart. It hurt to pull them out and think about the situation she left—the possibility that she might have hurt someone she cared about more than she knew she probably already had.

Marinette was no dummy, as much as she liked to feign it sometimes. It might have taken her awhile to notice that Chat was serious about her, to see Chat’s eyes light up and the love that burst out from him every time he so much as looked at her. She was no dummy… but sometimes she wished she was. Maybe then the crushing feeling in her heart would simmer away.

“I don’t know if that was the right thing to do,” Marinette continued after her extended pause. “Leave Chat behind like that and _lying_ to him on top of that, I can only imagine what he must have been feeling.”

Tikki shook her head and floated over to Marinette’s bed. She sat on the pillow and waited for Marinette to crawl next to her.

“Chat Noir is a Miraculous holder too. He was given the same rules as you were, and he has to know them as well as you do. Isn’t that why he’s reluctantly agreed up until now—because he knows that he can’t tell you yet?”

“Yet…”

The words slipped off Marinette’s tongue with a bitter aftertaste. It left the knowledge in the back of her mind that their conversation on the rooftop that night wasn’t about to be over anytime soon. And with that last thought, Marinette knew it would be one of those nights.

The nights that were long. That whispered pieces of nightmares into innocents’ ears. Those night that filled hearts with nothing but dread and left pillowcases soaked in salty tears for the morning light to dry away.

Most times she didn’t have enough time to think about things like that. She was off being a superhero, being distracted by school, friends, and creating excuses for hiding her secret identity. But it was times like this when the night slept and the secrets hid from the world—away from the prying eyes and ears—that Marinette was truly alone with nothing but her endless array of thoughts to consume her.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

There weren’t a lot of days that Marinette, for the life of her, could not find Alya when she came to school. It wasn’t that difficult because they’d usually wait or run into each other. Today, however, Marinette was stumped. She wanted desperately to talk to her best friend about her “hypothetical and totally what if” problem, yet the one person she wanted to find, she could. Not.

Marinette sighed as she turned the corner, gripping her bag tighter. It didn’t help at all that she had no sleep last night from thinking about a certain kitty cat last night. She rolled her eyes. Chat got enough of her time in lost sleep; he didn’t need anymore of it.

Just as Marinette was lost in her thoughts, she heard something something slap against the ground. She pulled her arm with her bag away from her side, shifting through the fabrics and books inside to make sure it wasn’t anything of hers that fell out. Because heaven only knew how clumsy she was.

This time, however, it wasn’t anything of hers that fell. She was scotch free, and to say that Marinette was more than confused was an understatement. It wasn’t until she looked up to see Adrien on the ground picking up some scattered pages of paper that were littered across the hallway did Marinette realize who the noise belonged to. If she thought it didn’t make sense that she wasn’t the one who dropped her things, it made even less sense now that she found out it was _Adrien_ of all people.

Her head was spinning! Adrien hadn’t had an off-day since Marinette had known him (and she of all people knew exactly how easy it was to have an off-day). The pounding of her heart skid down to a tranquil pattered. Despite her wanting to go and talk to him, Marinette couldn’t move her body as she watched him pick up papers on his hands and knees.

There wasn’t anything different about him in that moment than a normal boy. No barriers. No distance.

Marinette’s heartbroke. It shattered. Cracked into a million pieces. They swirled as they fell around her, reflecting the light above to look like tiny crystallized tears. In Marinette’s eyes, for the first time, she saw Adrien as a reflection of herself. And that hurt her beyond what her words could say.

All she could see was the doubt that plagued her shadows.

The fear that held her heart.

Anxiety that whispered to her mind.

And doubt that could cripple.

She knew that if she walked up to Adrien right now, there was no way she would be able to smile at him. To be honest, she was scared of what she might see. The image she had of him up until this point was crumbling. Something was happening.

Tikki popped out of Marinette’s purse and nudged her hand. Marinette held in her gasp, pushing her kawami back into her purse and closing it. She glanced back to Adrien, then behind her, to make sure she wasn’t caught by anyone.

With one deep breath, Marinette walked up to the first paper that was lying on the ground. She bend down to pick it, and when she had it in her hand, looked up and gave her best smile to Adrien.

“Need a hand?”

 

Marinette’s voice startled Adrien as he looked up to find her smiling down at him with one of his paper’s held out to him. He was confused for a moment, swishing his eyes back and forth as if a great prank was being played on him. When he didn’t find Nino sticking out of any corner with his camera in hand, Adrien turned back to Marinette, giving her a reserved smile of his own.

“Thanks, Marinette,” Adrien said, taking the paper from her. “That’d be a big help. One of my shoelaces came undone and, well, you can see what happened.”

He waved his around the still messy group of papers lying on the floor as if showing them off.

“Happens to all of us,” Marinette said with a laugh, getting down on her knees as she began collecting papers herself. “Not that I’m really one to speak, with me being a super klutz and all.”

Adrien looked up at Marinette. He watched her diligently pick up the papers around her, carefully peeling them off the ground so they didn’t wrinkle and dust off the pages that had dirt stuck on them. She didn’t look hesitant at all.

“That’s not true.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow at Adrien. Her mouth stretched into a small smile as she brushed a strand of her hair back. “I don’t know about that.”

If Adrien was being honest, he wasn’t sure what to think about this. There was no stuttering. No incomplete or babbled sentences. Marinette was a regular girl in front of him, and for some reason he couldn’t figure out, his heart was beating heavily inside of his chest. In fact, _he_ felt like stuttering now.

The thought brought a wave of heat to his cheeks. Adrien could feel them tingle and knew he must have been blushing, but thank God for him, Marinette seemed to busy picking up papers to notice.

She was acting different than normal, and it was throwing Adrien out of whack. Not that much in the sense of the word different, but she’d never been like this around him. In fact, Adrien didn’t eve know she could smile was such kindness sparkling in her eyes. Plain and simple kindness without hidden motives or false intentions. All she wanted to do was help him.

When every last paper was collected and handed to Adrien, trying to line them all up instead of the mess they were in, he almost messed up and dropped them on the floor again. Marinette reached out with her hand under him, catching the action. They stood still, frozen for a moment as they looked at each other, then laughed when they realized everything was fine.

Marinette looked at Adrien as he shuffled his papers. He knew because he could feel her stare, and when he looked up, sure as day, she was staring at him. More blood was rushing to Adrien’s cheeks as he began to mumble.

“Is something wrong?” Adrien asked.

As if caught by surprise, Marinette raised both her eyebrows, her mouth opening for a split seconds before she closed it back up. She held her hands in front of her as she looked to the ground. Then she flicked her eyes up without moving her hand. She looked at him through her eyelashes. He could have sworn he saw her cheeks turn a light shade of rose.

“Your face, um… there’s something here.”

She tapped her cheek, and Adrien slapped his. He pulled his hand away to look at the small smudge of cream from the bagel he ate that morning. If he wasn’t sure he was blushing before, he sure as heck knew he was now. How embarrassing!

“T-Thanks,” he choked out, turning his head in a desperate attempt to hide his face.

“No problem.” Marinette laughed a little before clearing her throat. “Well, I’ll see you later in class then, Adrien. Bye.”

“Yeah… see you.”

There was a sense of regret that passed through Adrien as he watched Marinette’s back until she walked into the classroom where he couldn’t see her anymore. Curiosity hit him, and he was filled with an urge to watch her.

Because those eyes enamored him with a strange sense of deja vu. She reminded him of someone, but Adrien couldn’t put his finger on it.

He smiled, whistling a short tune as he placed his papers back in his folder and resumed his walk to class. An idea was reeling in his mind, and he had the perfect plan in mind for just what he wanted to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's plan backfires and he gets a strange sense of deja vu talking to Marinette.

The bell rang. It didn’t register in Adrien’s head until minutes later when he heard the last minute shuffling of paper and the heavy thud of footsteps next to him that class was over. He blinked, looking all around the room as he ducked and bent to try to see past his classmates. There was one person in particular Adrien was searching for.

In a hasty flash, Adrien jumped up from his seat, sliding his bag over his shoulder. His legs stretched into a fast paced sprint through his classmates. Muttered apologies were thrown out when Adrien bumped into someone as he dashed past. He didn’t look behind him as the words died in the air—as frail and brittle as they sounded. By the time that Adrien had rushed out of school, he caught Nino right at the gate. He slapped his hand over his friend’s shoulder and wheezed.

“Why are you so fast?” Adrien asked, a huff coming out of his mouth as the pressure slowly started to dissipate from his body.

Nino glanced over his shoulder, staring at Adrien as his eyes searched him like he was doing a double take to make sure he was seeing things correctly. “Dude, class ended like ten minutes ago. What are you talking about?”

“Seriously—it did?”

“Uhh… yeah? I thought you were just really involved in doing something like you are every now and then, so I let you be ‘cause I thought you knew. But should I make sure next time?”

“Nah.” Adrien shook his head, patting Nino on the back as he walked past. “Just thought we could walk home together for a bit is all.”

Raising one of his eyebrows, Nino followed Adrien through the semi-busy sidewalks. People crowded around shop windows talking on cell phones that look as if they were strapped to their ears. Some were in a rush, running down the sidewalks like it was an olympic sport, while some moved at the speed of human snails. Neither of the boys paid attention to what was going on around them as they let jokes slide out of their mouths and laughs applaud them. Nothing of context in the conversation made much sense, but the boys still seemed enthralled by just the hum of each other’s voices.

It wasn’t until Nino started talking about something Alyla had said to him earlier that day did Adrien react. The slight jump in the corner of Nino’s eyes caught him off guard, flinching as he looked to Adrien. Then Nino laughed with a shake of his head as he watched Adrien’s body physically stiffen next to him. Adrien’s face went white as a sheet, his shoulders pulling up closer to his face as his eyes went straight down for the sidewalk under his feet. A smile etched it’s way onto Nino’s face. His brain worked like a fast oiled machine, connecting the dots to what Alya actually meant.

“Okay, spill,” Nino said, pulling Adrien back out of the way of the walkers. “Something’s clearly bothering you. What’s up?”

Adrien bit his lip. “Well, something happened earlier is all. Not anything major! just something different. It kind of caught my interest, just a bit. I want to know more about it, but I can’t do it on my own, so the thing is that I need some help from you. It’s nothing big, I just need to record you shouting some… slanders and possible threats.”

Silence slipped in the cracks between. It pranced right in between them and took each boy under its shoulder as if they were best friends from the very start. A looming pressure hovered over them that tickled at both their hearts. Even when Nino and Adrien were being yelled at for loitering in the sidewalk by their elders or bumped into by people whose noses were stuck in their phones, neither looked ready to say anything.

Finally Nino sighed, scratching the back of his neck as a conflicted look crossed his face—smoothly as cream lathered on a bagel. It lasted for a fleeting second before vanishing in the depth of his words.

“I’m all for helping you, bro, you know that and usually my policy isn’t to ask questions, but I’m sure something’s wrong with you today.” Nino held his hands up in front of him, his fingers spread evenly apart on both sides. “You don’t have to say anything if you want, I know life’s tough on all of us right now, but I’m just saying that I’m here if you need someone—to you know… talk to.”

Adrien nodded his head as a smile wormed its way onto his face. “You know I appreciate it, and we’re still best friends no matter what, but if you could start talking into my phone soon that would be great.”

Nino laughed, slapping his hand against Adrien’s elbow. “Sometimes you do the craziest things.”

“You don’t even know the half of it.”

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Adrien took one final breath, watching Plagg finish of the small chunk of Camembert he still had left. Despite it only being mid afternoon with the sun shining brightly down, in the shadows where the light didn’t reach, the air was tinged with chill again Adrien’s skin. He looked down as he let out a breath to make sure that it wasn’t cold enough to the white puffs. It wasn’t.

The seconds ticked on. Nervous chittered started to fill Adrien’s stomach where the party was being held that he hadn’t gotten an invitation to. Adrien started to tap his thumb against his pinky as he looked around his empty surroundings—nothing but a few stinky crates shoved into the alleyway from the restaurant’s kitchen behind him and a dumpster that was starting to contaminate the air a little too much around him.

Words of reassurance filtered through his mind, but despite the exemplary positivity that was surrounding him, Adrien couldn’t calm himself down. Looking up into the sky, Adrien lifted his hands over his eyes, and thought for a moment all the times he remembered jumping over these rooftops with Ladybug. That was, after all, how he’d found out about this nice little place when he needed to hide quickly to transform. It was long enough to for no one to see him from the streets, and he could easily hide behind the dumpster or crate if one of the restaurant employees came out (and forget about them even noticing if it were at night—his realm).

To Adrien, it was a perfect spot to sit back and forget about the world around him for a few seconds, so he leaned back against the brick wall that sent a shiver down his spine and closed his eyes. He listened to the screeching of car tires and the little bits of conversation that flittered in from the streets, but he focused on the beating of his heart as it fell into a relaxed rhythm.

Plagg’s burp brought Adrien out of his quiet thoughts. He paused for a moment when his eyes landed on Plagg, watching him hover slightly up and down in the air. “You look awfully willing to do this for once.”

“Willing to be ready to puke when you start flirting with her again?” Plagg stuck out his tongue. “Yeah right. I get enough of it with Ladybug. I don’t need two of them keeping your attention.”

“I’m not—I wouldn’t do that with Marinette—” Adrien groaned, the blood starting to rush to his cheeks as he tried to find where to keep his eyes. “—...this time. Either way, that’s beside the point; I’m just curious why she was acting so, well, almost like she was sad earlier is all. We’re going to check up on her, make sure she gets home fine, maybe ask some questions, and leave. It sounds easy.”

“Kehe ‘sounds easy.’ I’ve heard that one before.”

“Come on, Plagg,” Adrien moaned. “Let’s go.”

 

The air was rapidly getting colder as the minutes ticked on. From high in the air, it was even colder, the clouds starting to group together in large grey clumps that no doubt signaled an incoming storm. Chat Noir sat on the roof near Marinette’s house as he surveyed the entrance on the screen from his staff. He didn’t know enough about Marinette to know her schedule, but she looked like a semi-busy person to him. Even if he was wrong, at some point, she had to come out of her house; he was betting on it.

Come on, Princess, Chat though, glaring at a pigeon as it flew by. Just then Chat heard a faint jingle. He snapped his eyes back to the screen in front of him and sure enough, there was Marinette, one hand holding the door open as the other waved to what Chat assumed were her parents inside. She smiled, her elbows shaking as she laughed, and turned on her heel as she made her way across the street.

Chat jumped up from the spot he was crouching at to the ground, wincing as his legs started to tingle. He followed straight after Marinette, making sure to stay hidden in the shadows because every now and then she would turn around with a suspicious look on her face as she searched in the open space around her.

 

After a heart pounding moment later, Chat slipped in through one of the school windows. He landed light on his feet without a sound, crouched low in case anyone were there to spot him. was on the second floor and looking over the railing had proven Marinette was making her way through the gymnasium to the stairs. She hugged herself as she walked, her eyes searching all around her. Chat guessed that in some form Marinette could sense him, she just didn’t know it was him. It was all too good—too preoccupied with the strange feeling she must have, Marinette would never notice Chat making his sneaky entrance. He’d play the hero that she would “need.”

Seeming like a good enough moment for Chat, he pressed the paw button on his staff and let the recording of Nino play as he jumped from the rail to the column directly under him. Chat clutched the slick metal bar with one hand, crossing his legs as he started to spin down. Within seconds Chat was almost at the ground. He smiled, extending out his hand.

“I hear you’re in need of a hero, Prince—”

Chat let his mouth hang open as his eyes stared at the fist only a few centimeters from his face. Marinette stood in front of Chat, fists clenched as she glared daggers at him. As soon as her fist stopped, however, her face mimicked that of Chat’s. There was a need in the superhero to explain himself, but when he opened his mouth, words seemed to leave him; it was a great time too.

“Chat Noir!” Marinette screamed, pulling herself back into a normal, straightened position. She grinded her teeth, fists balled at her side as the glare from earlier was burning in her eyes. “I should have known that a mischievous cat like you would pull some kind of dumb prank like this.”

“It’s no prank.” Chat held his hands up in the air next to his head. “I can explain. Well, you see, I was out on my patrol when I saw some suspicious figure following you. I chased after you, but by the time I got into here with you, I wasn’t able to find him anymore. My guess that he might have saw me and fled the scene.”

Marinette placed a hand on her hip, raising one of her eyebrows. She cocked her head, the frown on her face deepening. “Well then, looks like you did your job, kitty. You can leave now.”

“No.”

“I think it’s about time you finish with your patrolling.”

“And leave an unguarded, sweet girl like you all by herself? That’s ridiculous. It’s still dangerous out, Princess; there’s no way I could do such a thing. The sensible thing to do here is escort you back home and protect you. I’m a superhero, so it’s also my duty to relieve the tension of ordinary citizens like yourself.” Chat placed a hand on his chest, parting his lips as he smiled his famous toothy grin. “So all your worries and insecurities, you can share them with me, Princess.”

The last thing Chat expected Marinette to do was laugh, but he couldn’t say anything. Her smile was intoxicating him, drawing every last fiber of attention until she was a reflection his in eyes—the one and the only light bright enough to leave him speechless at that moment. A million words passed through his mind, a million different scenarios with a million different outcomes. He was light on his toes, always quick to react.

But the one thing he was never prepared for were his own feelings. They froze him, kept him locked in place. Usually they were chains rubbing his skin raw, but right now, at that very moment, he was sure this feeling would lead to trouble. Yet it was soothing a part of his heart that was raw.

“Oh really?” Marinette asked. “And you think you can handle all of that, Chat Noir?”

“Of course I can,” Chat said.

His voice was sharp but quiet in the still quiet. He scoffed, shaking his head once only slightly. As if that was enough a question.

Marinette let out a breath, closing her eyes as he smile softened. “You know, Chat, you’re not all that bad. Past all your puns and questionable actions sometimes, you’re a really good guy. Ladybug is lucky to have you as a partner. I’m sure she’s proud.”

“You say that like you know.”

“It’s obvious to anyone that knows you, Chat. You have the kind of personality that makes relying on you a piece of cake—besides, you’ve never failed to save me when I’m in danger so far.”

The words tickled Chat’s ears, collided straight with his heart, and clamped his mouth shut—left it dry and wanting. Even though Marinette had done nothing, Chat felt the weight of her words hit him like a piano was dropped on him. He couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. The only thing he was able to do was stare at Marinette as he thought hopelessly of a way to compose himself.

Marinette watched Chat’s reaction to her words, slowly and carefully moving her eyes across his face. Her shoulders moved slightly as she pushed herself forward. Chat moved his head back, watching her, waiting for what she was about to do as if her words alone could burn him. The corners of her mouth twitched, revealing a wide grin that lighted her eyes up, a hidden secret glaring behind them—a hint of mischief Chat knew all too well.

“What’s wrong—Cat got your tongue?” Marinette cringed, her face scrunched up in obvious distaste as if she’d eaten something sour, her body pulled back upward. “That was awful. I can’t believe I said that. Maybe I’m spending too much time around you lately.”

Her words slapped Chat in the face. He blinked, a feeling of deja vu floating around the air. Chat looked around the room. Hiis brows scrunched together as he tried to piece together the exact moment he was thinking of, but when his eyes hit Marinette, his face jumped up. He wrapped his hands around his side, laughing pouring out from his mouth. It was a force that he couldn’t—and frankly didn’t want to—resist.

“Princess, I didn’t know someone as serious as you could crack a pun. Well, it’s almost as good as mine. Maybe with a little work.”

“Sure, Chat,” Marinette said, shaking her head. “Whatever you say.”

But as the smiles and laughs faded, Chat stood there impassive. He wondered quietly to himself, watching Marinette as she looked off to the distance talking about something, if she even knew how much those words had meant to him. Could she see the shadow of incompetence that ate away at him? See him reaching forward desperately in front of him for something he wondered if he could ever grab? Chat blinked. Who was he talking about—Chat Noir or Adrien?

He closed his eyes. In the end the person didn’t matter. She’d spoken to his heart. Like every other time he’d met her as Chat, she seemed to know exactly what to do, exactly what to say to make him feel better when the little bits of insecurity were blurring him. In fact, Chat was sure she had no idea. She was simply being Marinette.

Chat smiled, resting a hand on his side. He knew that words didn’t fix problems, he’d had first hand experiences with that—sometimes the problem had gone over the line of what words alone could handle. Inside his body, however, energy was pulsing through him. If it were right now, Chat knew he could take on the world right then and there. With only a few simple words as his backup. That was all he really ever needed, and it was all thanks to Marinette.

Even though he was supposed to check up on her, she’d somehow been the one to check up on him. Without even trying, without knowing, she’d seen his wounds and she’d helped him. 

 

Marinette yawned, stretching her arms behind her back. She looked to the stairs, and when she found Chat lost in a daze, she shook her head, moving back towards the stairs to reach her destination.

“You’re a real gift, you know that?”

The sound of words stopped her dead in her tracks, her body slowly turning back around to face Chat. “Did you say something, Chat?”

“I said that… I was serious about escorting you today. You’re not secretly being bullied in school, now are you?”

Silence danced between them. An elaborate waltz of sparks and doubts—caressing their cheeks and entrancing their hearts like a siren in her element. Chat watched each movement Marinette made, but unfortunately for him, she didn’t make many, which left him nothing to work off of. He could feel his body creek to a standstill, joints grinding against each other like he was made of wood.

What if Marinette was really being bullied? The thought entertained Chat’s mind for the briefest of moments before Marinette’s laughter caught him off guard.

“Where did that idea come from, you silly cat? Even if I was being bullied, they’d just be words and harmless pranks. I’d still have my friends and my family that love me. Besides—” Marinette’s mouth moved without sound, but even straining, Chat couldn’t make them out. “—is much harder than that.”

“What did you say, Princess?”

“Chat, I thought you were just escorting me?” Marinette asked, raising one of her eyebrows as she turned back around and started to walk again. “Since when do escorts ask so many questions?”

Chat stood in place, his eyes glued to Marinette’s back as she walked up the stairs. He frowned, her words echoing on repeat in his head. “I thought I was too…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a couple questions about why Adrien went to "play hero" as Chat Noir instead of his civilian self. It's written in between the lines of the story (you really have to look and watch to catch it), but basically, Adrien realizes that something is wrong with Marinette, and that as Chat Noir he has more freedom and liberties (not to mention it's his JOB to help people). So, compared to Adrien who probably can't do much, Chat Noir is the much more logical choice. 
> 
> His worry quences the curiosity he had, but when Marinette turns the table on him, he gets curious again, which leaves him confused at the end when he says, "I thought I was too." He'd forgotten about the fact he'd been curious about her and he really had come because he was worried about her.
> 
> A more indepth analysis can be found on my tumblr ^-^


	4. Chapter 4

Marinette’s laughter filled the void as Chat walked next to her. Wind brushed his cheek, and he looked up. The sun was beginning to get lower in the sky, hues of red and purple mixing together with blues and blacks in an elaborate walz of twists and swirls. He knew that he’d spent much more time entertaining Marinette than he’d planned on, the seconds too short in a timed life. There was still homework to do and there might have been a photoshoot that Adrien missed, but as Chat those responsibilities seemed so unimportant and distant like it was for someone else that it was almost funny he paid mind to them at all in his superhero persona.

Still, he’d have to leave soon. That was something Chat knew without having to say. From the very start, it was only supposed to be in and out—something quick and easy that turned out to be nothing like he’d planned.The thoughts lingered for a second before Marinette’s voice brought Chat back to reality, his eyes snapping back to her.

Her face was starting to tint red from how much she was laughing. Tears were leaking from her eyes that she had to whip every now and then. She held her physics textbook against her chest tightly as she walked.

“I can’t believe I forgot this,” Marinette said, sighing right afterwords. “We have physics homework almost every night. I always bring it with me; I can’t believe I forgot it today of all days.”

Chat tilted his head. “What’s so special about today?”

“The lab is worth double points if you do the extra credit assignment at the end. I really want to bring my grade up, but I haven’t had time recently, so today’s the last day I have to do it.”

“Oh, I for—aaathom that’s a tough subject. Good luck with that, Princess.”

Placing a hand on his chest, Chat sighed when Marinette didn’t look. He was so preoccupied listening to Marinette talk, so interested in her voice and the way that she says certain words every now and then, that his mask was slipping. And that was dangerous. He wasn’t supposed to know Marinette.

The words had to be repeated over in Chat’s head as tried his hardest to listen to Marinette’s story. He wanted to listen to her so bad that is seemed like he was addicted. To the sweet tint in her voice like honey. The pumping of his chest when their eyes met. The slow breath of the world where it was just the two of them.

He just couldn’t get enough.

It was a scary thought that brought hesitation. Chat wasn’t there for that, he was there because of something more important. He had to make sure she was safe from harm, make sure she got home alright, not be willy dilly. Not only was her safety important, he was Chat Noir. A superhero. What was he doing?

His walls creaked as they started to rise brick by brick again. He took a step back, letting Marinette walk slightly in front of him. The Gorilla popped up in his mind: silent and always there; just watching and waiting. _That was what an escort was._

Her face played back in his mind from earlier in the morning. The way her eyes shone like mirrors from the watery tears that almost came to the surface despite her best attempts at a smile to hide them. Something was clearly wrong with her then, but when Chat took a sideways glance at her, she was laughing—smiling like the sun that was disappearing in the sky.

_And that’s what will happen if she gets involved,_ a voice in Chat’s head said. He shook his head, trying his hardest to clear his thoughts, the lasting remnants of paralyzing nights of nightmares.

.

Their footsteps echoed on the cement of the sidewalks. The busy Paris streets in the daytime were quite absent of the ambient noises at night. Chat brushed the back of his neck, slipping his other hand against the flat of Marinette’s back as she walked up to the door. He smiled at her when she turned around.

“Thank you for ‘escorting’ me today, Chat,” Marinette said. “I appreciate you trying to keep me safe. We’re lucky to have a dedicated superhero like you around. It makes me proud to say that I—that I live in the city you protect. I mean, how many people can say they know an actual superhero? It’s super cool! Ha ha… ”

Marinette bowed her head, taking in a deep breath.

“No problem.” Chat folded his arms as he looked down to Marinette. “Rescuing cute girls is also part of the job.”

“Right. Well, since this _cute girl_ is safe at home, she’s going to go inside, so you can leave now, Chat Noir.”

“Would you like to use the front? Or if you’re feeling in a particularly devious mood today, I could help you sneak into your room.”

Chat winked. Marinette rolled her eyes. Instead of pulling back, though, Marinette leaned forward, placing a finger on top of chat’s bell. His eyes sunk down, the gulp of air stuck in his throat.

“Sneaking home with one of Paris’ great superheros—isn’t that a little too scandalous?”

Her voice dripped slowly through the silence like a thick batch of sweet honey. Chat could practically taste her teasing tone. He smirk on his face was unintentional as he leaned in to match her.

“Don’t say you don’t like it when you haven’t tried it.” Chat’s hand touched Marinette’s arm as he pulled her just a step closer. Their breaths touched for the slightest seconds. “You’re not picky about vegetables are you? That’s not very good, Princess.”

“I am not,” Marinette gasped. “I eat them properly!”

The corners of Chat’s lips pulled and tugged, a war with his cheeks for dominance. “Great,” he exclaimed, “then you’ll come with me.”

“Wait, I never said—”

As Chat pulled Marinette in his arms, he didn’t listen to a word she said. The deal had been done, the words spoken in promise. His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against his chest as he stuck out his staff. She screamed out in surprise at his touch. It only made him hold her closer as he let the staff soar up into the sky.

Chat couldn’t help thinking it was a bad idea, but he wasn’t about to stop it. He didn’t have that much self control. And for the life of him, he wasn’t even sure why.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Chat whistled into the air, a small tune that was heard by no one, tapping his thumb against his wrist that was pressed against the arch of his back. He stood on Marinette’s balcony, watching the sky as a pair of birds flew past. One of his hands reached out in front of him, palms up, fingers partially curled as he looked all around. It was getting colder. In a couple months the lights on the eiffel tower would start to light up earlier and winter would cast down its calling, covering the landscape in a blanket of sparkling white.

From inside, he could hear Marinette rummaging around her room, slamming and crashing into things. He winced a couple of times when he heard her verbally yell out. It was fairly quiet, a few cars passing through the the streets shed more light in the dimming Paris air, so he could hear the trail of her voice circling around him as she talked out loud. As if she were talking to someone else…

“You can come in now,” Marinette called, one arm leaning out of the hatch, the other gesturing Chat to come even though she knew he couldn’t see her.

Marinette’s sudden voice startled Chat. He jumped in his skin, snapped half his body around to look at her. He stared. Wide-eyed and straight backed. The breath caught in his chest. Chat finally let the steaming air out of his mouth with one blow when Marinette cocked her head.

His lip twitched as he watched Marinette’s eyes completely focus on him. His stomach shot up like how his chest with rising and falling with each hard breath he took. Chat bent down, scooping her hand in his to bring it close enough to his lips where any spoken word would out of his mouth would make his lips move against her slightly chilled hands, but not close enough he was kissing her. One wink and he could feel her fingers tightening around his hand.

“Oh but, Princess, you should have said something sooner if you’re lonely; I’m really good at _purr_ forming for an audience.”

“Chat,” Marinette chided, “stop with the jokes.”

Her words were solid, but the air behind them lingered. Chat picked up on it in an instant. His instincts on overdrive. Running wild inside of him like a beast ready to be unleashed. He blinked, biting the inside of his tongue.

_Focus and relax,_ he told himself. And the smile came naturally. Plastered like a painting—a beautiful lie.

It wasn't all a lie, a little part inside of Chat though. The general appreciation was still there, the moment of awe when her mouth moved upward, or when she’d say something that would knock him off the ground. Marinette had a lot of those moments. She might not have been aware of them with her unparalleled kindness, her eagerness to reach her heart out to everyone near her that needed her help. To be honest, Chat was a little jealous, because just like his Lady, she possessed natural traits that came to her so easily that he begged and pleaded for in the corner of his heart.

Maybe it was heartache speaking. Reaching for the first familiar thing it could. Chat had no idea what he was feeling, but his mouth had all kinds of ideas for what it wanted to say. He wasn’t complaining. He went with it. Like many of the other times in life he walked the line that was painted for him. Covering his heart, not thinking of what he wanted. With the familiarity of melancholy drenching the air, the words slipped out naturally.

A hint of mischief. A dash of flirtatiousness.

That was Chat Noir. All wrapped up in a pretty little package with a bell on top.

“Ask and you shall receive, but I don’t know if this is a promise I’ll be able to keep.”

Chat winked, and Marinette sighed, raking a hand through her hair. She called him, and Chat eagerly followed behind her. His eyes lingered on the cat pillow for a moment, casting Marinette a hidden smile she’d never see. He jumped down from halfway down the ladder. A quick turn to his right, and he jumped into the desk chair. It went flying backwards. Chat stuck out his hands and legs, smiling like he was on a ride as the wind brushed against his face. Marinette yelled at him under her breath, sending him a look of death incarnate. She pointed her finger to the ground, mouthing “parents.” Chat nodded his head when the chair stopped. Despite the serious look in his eyes, it was the carefree smile that covered his face that gave him away.

.

Marinette walked over to her lounge chair, letting her body fall flat against it. The weight of the world seemingly falling off her shoulders. Her eyes closed as she let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding in, listening to the wheels of her desk chair wheel across her floor closer to her.

“It’s late, Chat,” Marinette said. “What are you still doing here?”

“Making sure you’re okay. I’ve been telling you that since I saw you in school. I don’t know why you don’t believe me, princess.”

Her expression was blank as Marinette turned her head to look at Chat. “Why do you call me princess?”

For the first time in awhile, Chat was speechless. Not because of something she said or did, but because he didn’t know the answer. It seemed so natural to him, so spur of the moment. A romantic type of undertone.

Chat shrugged. “I don’t know. You remind me of a princess, so that’s what I call you.”

She laughed. “Are you joking? _I_ remind you of a princess? Come on, Chat, I know you’re a flirt, but I’m sure there’s plenty of other girls out there who are more worthy of being called a princess than me.”

“Actually, Marinette, I think you _butter_ back off of this one.” Chat leaned back in his chair, flipping his tail in his hand as he gave Marinette a coy smile. “Substantial evidence says I’m right.”

“Substantial evidence?” Marinette snorted. Her eyes went wide as the sound registered in her mind, but instead of being embarrassed about it like a part of her felt, she threw her head back and laughed. “What kind of ‘evidence’ do you have, Chat? Humor me.”

Instead of what Marinette had expected, Chat stood up and walked over to her. She rose up on her elbows, a deep feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. Before the words to ask Chat what was wrong could come out of her mouth, he was bent over her. His fingers easily went to her sides and worked like magic.

Marinette threw her head back, her chest rising and falling as she kicked and tried not to yell. She swatted at Chat, threw smacks and punches at him to try to get him to stop, but he continued his endeavors at tickling her until her throat felt sore.

“A little ticklish are we?” Chat teased as he pulled back.

He sat down next to her feet that were pulled up. Chat leaned forward, his chest stretching over Marinette’s figure as he flicked the umbrella above her. Marinette smacked him, giggling as he pulled his arm back to fake being hurt.

“You never answered my question,” Marinette said.

She placed her hand on his arm, letting her fingers brush against his leather suit as her hand slid lower. Chat’s eyes snapped over to her hand. Focused completely on them, his mind wasn't able to think as all he could do was watch.

“I…”

And every thought he had drained from his mind. Left like someone opened the drain in his head, and his brain went with it. It was only a second later, from the corner of his eye, did he catch a glimpse of something red behind him on Marinette’s desk. How he caught, not even Chat was sure. But he was sure it was supposed to be a sign from fate.

On the desk were five dolls. A series of memories flashed in his mind as he looked a the familiar figures dressed up as dolls. Then Chat saw them—the two dolls that shredded his heart into pieces. A little Ladybug dolls sat next to a Chat Noir doll. He frowned, winced as he tried to quell the stabbing feeling inside of him.

Chat stood up. His chest was flat, not moving without even a breath. His eyes were stale as he looked ahead at nothing. Marinette stilled in her seat, gripping her foot as she looked around her room with panic in her eyes.

“I shouldn’t be here.”

He whispered. Barely above hearing volume, and Marinette cocked her head. Chat moved, quickly like a cheetah gaining on its prey past her. His steps were large, strangely silent for the coverage of the strides.

Within seconds of Marinette turning around, Chat was gone. All that was left open was her hatch. Outside the wind howled, screaming as it crashed through the open space into her room. Marinette crawled up the latter, she shivered on her bed. The chill on the metal stung her fingers for a moment. Just before she closed the hatch, she snapped her eyes to the sky. There was no moon, no stars. It was a jet black night.

Like the world around her. Crashing and breaking without anyone to scream to.

Marinette placed her hands on her face and groaned. If she breathed she would cry, and Marinette couldn’t do that right now. She realized now what that look from Chat was all about. There was nothing but guilt swelling up inside of her. Nothing felt like herself right then. Her hands were chilly against the heat of her cheeks, her heart was losing it’s battle against reality, and the rest of Marinette’s body felt like delicate porcelain being thrown against the ground.

.

Even though she tried to will it, the tears still came. Her body shook. The tears soaked her hands, dripped down to her shirt. Each drop felt like a mini piano being dropped on her while she was the aunt.

Tikki hovered in front of her, moving her head left and right to try to see through the cracks in Marinette’s fingers. “Marinette,” Tikki said, her voice soft and calm, “what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing right now, Tikki,” Marinette said. She sniffed, running her hand under her nose. “I’m Ladybug. I should know better than what I was just doing. Chat’s a superhero. I can’t just hog him all day for nothing. People need him, and I—I’m so embarrassed. I can’t act like that.”

“Marinette!” Tikki’s sudden voice caused Marinette to jump, look fully at as her heart tried to calm in her chest. “ _You_ are Ladybug. Ladybug isn’t anything more than the person behind the mask. You’re not supposed to act any different than yourself. I don’t see that you did anything wrong, Marinette. Under that mask, you’re both people too.”

“But—”

Tikki floated to Marinette’s head and sat down. “You’re supposed to be a superhero who can defeat akumas, not someone who can do everything. You’re perfect, Marinette, and if Chat Noir really wanted to leave, he could have left any time he wanted to. Don’t beat yourself up over his decisions.”

Marinette wiped the tears off her face with her hand, sniffing as she curled up on her lounge chair. Tikki floated next to her, asking her to move to her bed since it was so cold, but Marinette shook her head. She pulled her knees to her chest as she rolled over to look at the window.

The night sky was black the the void in her heart. No stars were out and the moon was gone. Still, Marinette could see the dots of rain dripping down the glass and hear the pitter-patter of rain against the roof.

She wondered if the sky was a reflection of her heart that night. Another tear slid down her cheek, and Marinette squeezed her eyes closed, hugging her legs tighter. Tikki slid in next to her, rubbing against her cheek until Marinette let out a slight laugh.

“I said it before,” Tikki said, “but Chat isn’t the worst person to fall in love with.”

Marinette’s eyes flew open as she slammed her face into the pillow. She moaned into it, feeling the blood rush to her face. She yelled the name of her kwami. Though most of it was a barely audible, muffled noise.

“What?”

“I’m not in love with Chat. We’re just friends.”

Tikki sighed. Flying to the pillow Marinette had her head stuck in, Tikki laid down right above Marinette’s head. She closed her eyes, and with a yawn said, “Alright, whatever you say Marinette.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering what I mean when I said, "And that's what will happen to her when she gets involved," it's actually a headcanon I have about how Hawkmoth's akumas work. Basically as soon as Hawkmoth finds out who Ladybug/Chat Noir are, he can target people close to them because the only people who can get akumatized are people that have either a direct or indirect relationship with them (which actually works with all the akumas so far whispers go me).


	5. Chapter 5

When Marinette walked into school the next day, she took a deep breath. Her wet shoes squeaked against the tiles under her as she made her way past the entrance. She didn’t even notice that her fingernails were digging into her skin, leaving pink indents every time she lifted her nails.

Marinette brought her hand up to her hair, her finger weaving through the ends of her ponytails. That morning when Marinette woke up, she couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror. The tears had dried on her face, leaving it raw and her eyes slightly puffy. Usually she’d just brush some water over it, but she couldn’t stand in front of the skin that long without being tempted to look in the mirror above her. She didn’t want to see the mess she’d look like—she the guilt that was eating her insides to smithereens.

Because she would crack.

And perfect things didn’t have cracks in them.

Like Adrien Agreste. The living definition of the word.

.

Three words woke her from her thoughts as she trudged along the bleak school corridor that Marinette was sure was an after effect of last night’s dreary rain storm. They took her by surprise: the cheerful chirp in them, the way her name was said with such raw happiness, the voice they were coming out of.

A simple good morning, and yet it had her heart hammering against her chest. Marinette spun around on her heels, every hair on her body sticking up, her hands slapped to her side.

“Aaadrien,” she croaked out. “What are you doing here? What do I mean ‘what are you doing here,’ you go to school here. Hehahaa. Of course you go to school here, you sit in front of me in the _same class_. It’s just that I didn’t expect to see you here so _early_ in the morning.”

Her teeth grinded against each other. It wasn’t that she was mad at Adrien, she was just mad at the situation. Adrien wasn’t late to school, but he wasn't early. Marinette should know. She thought being one of the first people in school would have saved her the trouble of seeing Adrien—the person she absolutely didn’t want to see at that moment.

Chat’s cheeky smile appeared in Marinette’s mind. Her stomach sank and tears were scratching at her eyes to come out. Marinette bit her cheek, casting her eyes down to the ground, mumbling something that she wasn’t even sure what was.

She couldn’t look him in the eyes.

Of course Adrien would notice. Wasn’t that the punishment for sneaking behind his back, praising how much she loved him, how true her feelings for him were, yet in the middle of the night completely forgetting him to flirt with someone she knew she had to keep her distance from?

Instead of saying something, Adrien did the same thing Marinette did as his shadow overlapped hers—he cast his glance down to the ground. But Adrien was professional, or at least he liked to think he was. Because even though he kept the smile on his face, he didn’t quite get rid of the look in his eyes.

He always forgot about that.

Eyes were the mirrors of hearts, Adrien had been told ever since he was young, but he never could pay enough attention to his own eyes.

And Marinette saw. All of it. The little glisten in his eyes when she finally worked up the nerve to look up at him, the way his eyebrows struggled to stay up, and even though he was smiling that the corners of his mouth didn’t seem to pull up like the rest of his lips.

She’d hurt him. Inadvertently, sure, but Marinette couldn’t do anything at that moment but blame herself. After all, she was the cause of all of this. Not chat. Not Adrien. Not the circumstances that brought her into it.

As a self-respecting girl—as _Ladybug_ of all people—she should have stopped, should have said no, had enough when he could have just walked away. Marinette was greedy. The worst thing of it all was that the one who stopped was Chat, not her. No matter how much she said she loved Adrien.

 _Chat_ , Marinette thought.

Her eyes grew wide as she remembered the look in his face. All the smiles, the hugs, the flirting, the gestures. Marinette shook her head, and she knew soon she would cry. At least her of all people should have realized what being in an unrequited love looked like.

Chat was honest, Marinette, on the other hand, was the lowest of the low. Exactly the way she felt. Even if someone asked her, she wouldn't be able to remember what she said to Adrien as she turned and ran from him. Quite frankly, she didn’t care.

The guilt wasn’t just eating her from the inside out anymore, it was demolishing her. At that moment, she realized what it was that was bugging her: Adrien deserved someone better than she could ever be.

::: ::: :::

Despite the weather last night, only slight remnants of the rainy storm remained, much like the pieces of Marinette’s heart. Small puddles popped up in the street every now and then, but they were hardly noticeable anymore as the sun had been doing its job and sucking them dry all day.

Marinette sighed, shaking her head. Tikki rested on her shoulder, tilting her head to look at Marinette.

“I can’t believe I let him do that,” Marinette whinned, closing her eyes as she tossed her head against her shoulders. “Chat of all people. It’s not right. I can’t even look Adrien in the face anymore! He probably knows I’m a cheater. He probably hates me already. Forget about marriage, friendship isn’t even an option anymore!”

“That’s not true, Marinette,” Tikki said, causing Marinette to jump and look at her for the first time since she got out of school. “Adrien looked like he was sad not angry. Something probably happened.”

Slapping her hands to her face, Marinette cried out, “He found I can’t be trusted and thought I’ve been lying to him the entire time. He was disappointed in me. I bet he thought I was pretty cool because I had a couple good ideas around him, but he couldn’t even manage to look at me when he realized what kind of person I really am.”

“Marinette.” Tikki sighed, shaking her head. “That’s your anxiety speaking.”

“It’s not, that’s what really—”

Something hard hit Marinette. Her nose crunched against the slightly warm and a bit hard thing in front of her. Caught off guard, Marinette stepped back, but she stepped on the back of her shoe instead of the sidewalk. She didn’t register her legs giving out until she felt the air whoosh past her ears.

She closed her eyes, bit down her lips to brace for the impact. But instead, she could feel arms wrap around her and pull her closer to whoever was standing in front of her. Her nose wiggled, catching a familiar scent that sent butterflies to her stomach.

 _You big cheater_ , a voice called out her to in her mind, and Marinette snapped her eyes open. Her hands pushed in front of her, and she stepped back from whoever was holding her. Marinette placed a hand over her chest as she opened her mouth to apologize. But nothing of the sort came out.

Standing in front of her was Adrien. Even though that morning Marinette couldn’t look him in the eyes, for some reason she was entranced by the glowing image of the sun hitting his hair, the slight smile on his lips as he looked down at her, and the way his eyes light up calling her name.

“A-Adrien,” she breathed out, twirling her fingers in front of her. “I didn’t expect to meet you out here. Oh, but… um, earlier, thank you for catching me before I fell. That was-that was very… nice of you.”

.

Adrien stood in place in front of Marinette as she talked. It wasn’t like he was trying to ignore her, but at that moment all he could really think about was the bag on his arm. He pulled it in front of him, reaching one of his hands in the bag to pull out a see through bowl. In the sunlight, it was a light pink color, while the top was decorated with a darker black color. On the sides of the bowl, near the top, were dots of black where the color had fallen.

“That’s a pretty bowl,” Marinette said, catching Adrien’s attention as he snapped his head up to meet Marinette’s eyes.

He smiled, giving her a small smile. “Thanks. I was walking with Nino earlier today when I saw this in a shop window. It reminded me of—”

“A ladybug!”

Marinette clapped her hands together, and Adrien laughed. It was tight, slightly awkward, causing Marinette to look up at him. Again, like that morning, Adrien wasn't looking at her, but the ground, and again, her stomach felt toxic.

He looked so _alive_ , staring at the bowl in front of him. He pulled his hand up to the back of his head, brushing the tips of his fingers through the end of his hair.

“Yeah,” Adrien giggled, “I guess it does.”

If Marinette could animate her heart, she’d show a big sheet of stained glass. On the sheet would be a beautiful crafted design, and most everyone would adore looking at it. She’d show them the sheet, and then she’d drop it. The pieces would shatter, scatter. Then even the cracked pieces would break into nothing but slivers of shards.

Before Marinette can reply, clenching her hands into fists in front of her, screams tore through the air. Both Marinette and Adrien tensed, their heads swinging back and forth to see what the commotion was about. In a matter of seconds, they spotted it: a child pointing to the sky, a wide grin on his face that showed one missing tooth in the front.

In the sky was a blimp. It wasn’t as large as a passenger blimp--a simple decorative object floating through the sky. On it was a single picture, cast in red and black. Marinette knew that face without blinking.

Ladybug.

And when she thought of Ladybug, of course she thought of the silly cat that always stood next to her. Chat Noir. By this point, the glimmer in his eyes was ingrained into her brain, the toothy smile that seemed to take over his whole face yet light up his cheeks. All of it. Every memory and moment of that dark and stormy night left a cut over Marinette’s heart.

The guilt was coming back, and the boy who she should have been loyal to like her life depended on it but wasn’t was standing right in front of her. Marinette’s eyes glanced over to Adrien. That was her first and biggest mistake.

She could see it in his eyes. The need on his face. He was just looking, but Marinette of all people knew that behind the surface, it was never just looking. It was wishing, praying, dreaming. It was everything that someone couldn’t have that they wanted.

Adrien looked at that blimp with the picture of Ladybug like it was the whole world. But he was frowning, his eyebrows creased like he was between a rock and a hard place. Even to Adrien, Ladybug was something he’d never be able to have.

Oh, but only if he knew how much she craved for him, Marinette thought.

His mouth moved. Marinette just barely caught the slight release of sound.

_Ladybug._

Her eyes went wide. Her breathing froze.

She couldn't tell him who she was. Marinette’s arms shook, and she grabbed them to hold them still. Her mouth tasted bitter, and she wanted to puke, to spit it all up and not feel that way anymore. Because she knew--that even if she told him, she’d never be what he expected.

Ladybug was a superhero.

Marinette was a clumsy girl, who on one of her best days, could muster up enough courage to speak up to Chloe. She might have spoken for friendship and honesty, stood up for what she thought was right, but Marinette’s voice only went so far.

It couldn’t reach the places that Ladybug’s could.

And even though they were the same person, it wasn’t like looking at her reflexion at all. It was like looking at a different person. Or rather… Marinette squeezed her hands as the thought passed through her mind. It was her that was the dull reflection, the shadow of a person.

_Smash!_

The sound startled Marinette. She flinched, her body automatically going into a defensive mode as she looked around for the source of the noise. Shortly, her eyes landed on the broken pieces of the bowl that Adrien was holding on the ground. They were split apart, soaked in a large puddle near Adrien’s feet.

Adrien was looking at the bowl with a blank expression on his face. Watching him like that, it clicked for Marinette. She remembered his radiating smile. That bowl was important to him.

“Adrien, oh my god, the bowl!”

He turned to her, his eyes wide as he took a second to scan her face like he wasn’t quite sure of what she was talking about. Then it seemed to hit him as he smiled.

“It wasn’t that important,” Adrien reassures her. “But, wow… I didn’t realize it earlier, but it must have rained a lot harder than I thought last night. There’s puddles everywhere, and—” Adrien sticks his finger in the puddle the pieces of glass are in. “—this one’s pretty deep.”

Marinette couldn’t say anything. He was lying, and she knew it. But what could she say to him? He looked so used to plastering on a smile and saying what others wanted to hear. Even at the cost of hurting himself. Just how many times had he had to lie to others about his own feelings?

The thought sent a piercing sting to Marinette’s heart. It ached for him. She frowned and clenched her fists over her chest. It didn’t stop the dull pain.

.

Watching Adrien on his knees in the filthy water that soaked the streets, Marinette watched the light in his eyes die. She watched him pick up the invisible pieces of his heart as he slushed his fingers around in the water, and she knew in that moment that he loved someone else. Because that face like the world might die any second, the crack he tried to hid in his voice, was the strongest emotion of all. It was a reflection of the empty hole in his heart.

Wanting—the need to be with someone—should never hurt so much. It shouldn’t be the cruel demolition that it was.

Adrien was in love. Whoever was at the ends of his affections held his heart like a decoration. If there was a word to describe the sleepless nights spent thinking about that person, the physical effect even a glance could cause, a hole left so deep even the abyss couldn’t contest, the dedication and loyalty to keep coming back to the same person who hurt them, love seemed like such a petty word.

Their feelings were so much more than that, and Marinette knew in that second that the one hurting Adrien the most was her. She was damaging the small pieces of his heart that he was just barely able to keep safely hidden.

“Adrien.” Marinette’s voice shook as his name slipped out of her mouth. It was quiet and oddly calm despite the tears leaking down her rosy cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

.

_I never meant to hurt you._

.

Marinette had Adrien’s full attention. His open-mouthed stare and inquisitive eyes. She was sure he wanted to ask her why she was apologizing, but he’d never understand.

So, with his full attention on her, she turned around and ran away before the tears started to fall. She was strong, but she wasn’t invincible. The best thing she could do was get away before he saw that. Worry wasn’t something she wanted to cause him.

She ran and ran, so fast it looked like she was leaping. Her steps hit the ground with giant thumps and splashes from the left out water from the previous night’s rain.

Tikki flew next to Marinette. “Marinette, you need to stop,” she plead. “Go back to Adrien. You should be happy that Adrien likes Ladybug, so why are you running away?”

“You don’t understand,” Marinette screamed, slamming her hands on a building. She struggled to catch her breath, bowing her head between her hands. “The Ladybug that everyone sees, she’s an ideal. I might be Ladybug, but I’ll never _be_ the Ladybug that everyone sees.”

“Oh, Marinette...”

Her legs give out and she collapses on the sidewalk. One of her hands is still against the building. “The best thing I can do for Adrien is walk away.”


End file.
